Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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