So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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