R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
