I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
