I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
