one might say we're banned from that church
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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