So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
