I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
