Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
