I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
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I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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