Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize