I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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