I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Two words: blizzard sex
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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