TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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