so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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