you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
