we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
