I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
