I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
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You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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