He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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