your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
