To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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