I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm really busy with my period
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