Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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