Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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