He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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