I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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