Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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