I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
