i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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