I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
