how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
jump out the window naked night went bad
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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