She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I've blown a few things in my day
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We got so high we made milksteak
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
