Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm at about main and main street
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
