My liver just broke up with me...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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