South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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