also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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