my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
