i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
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I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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