WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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