for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
