oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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