I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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