She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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