Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
