the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
