Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
