you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
