is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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