it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
