im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
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Let's paint friendship bongs
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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