My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
