Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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