alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
