So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
