I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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