I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
