i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
