We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together