Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT