So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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