True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season